At Least in the Closet it's Warm

By Natali Andrés on November 24, 2015

Now with the semester drawing to a close and Holidays looming menacingly over the horizon many students are going back to their families. This cooler time of year is when people gather en masse at each other’s houses to eat and exchange gossip about catch up with other family members. Many students are excited to go home to see their parents, and maybe hang out with some old friends and cousins they haven’t seen in a while, but for others the holiday season is not so cheery.

For those of us who went away for college we’ve created a place to grow without the ever present influence of our parents. It’s here, a good several hour drive away, that students open themselves up to new ideas and develop as individuals. These ideas don’t always mesh with the ideas we were raised with. Some students are going home to an environment where they may not feel comfortable being themselves, or will have to endure some very uncomfortable conversations. They’re going home and into the closet.

Metaphorically speaking of course (I hope). My heart goes out to everyone who has to go home to a less-than-accepting environment.

There are a lot of students who have to hide their sexuality back home, and after the relatively open and accepting environment on a college campus that can be a difficult transition.

 

Students who identify as LGBTQ+ can face anything from discomfort and disgust to outright hostility. This intolerance and bigotry from the people who are supposed to love and care for them is traumatizing.*

While one of the most serious situations LGBTQ+ students aren’t the only ones going home into a closet. Sometimes it’s just having to hide the fact that you’re dating someone outside of your race or ethnicity. People are shocked by just how racist and bigoted minorities can be as well. This makes those “So what about your boyfriend/girlfriend?” questions even more awkward.

 

Out of the house and in college people get to explore ideas and traditions that may have been restricted to them before. There are a lot of kids going to sit at Christmas dinners muttering “Amens” they don’t believe in because, they don’t want to have to face the potential drama for “coming out” as non-Christian.  Hell, I know some kids who would get flak for changing denominations from Catholic to Protestant.

Here in a place where students have easy access to counseling and psychiatric services some have been diagnosed and are being helped with mental issues. Anxiety and depression are rampant in the college aged population, but mental illness is still stigmatized. One of the scariest parts of coming out is the chance that they just won’t believe you.

Then there’s things that are just uncomfortable.

“Mom, Dad, I’m a Vegan now.”

“Well, looks like you’re gonna starve this Thanksgiving.”

“Mom, Dad, I’m switching majors.”

“What the hell are you going to do with a History Degree?”

“Mom, Dad, I’m a registered Democrat and I support Obama.”

“I did not raise a communist!”

“Mom, Dad, I joined a nudist colony.”

You did WHAT?!”

There’s something about this time of year; maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s the two million movies pounding the message into our skulls, but it’s a time for family and love. A time to put aside our differences and celebrate each other’s virtues. It’s sad that there are so many students going home to places where that is not the reality.

I encourage everyone to be tolerant this time of year. You don’t have to agree with their decisions, but you do need to respect them as people. They’re still you’re family. They’re still human beings. It costs you nothing to be kind to them.

For those of you going home into a closet or plan on coming out of one, hang in there. I am proud of you. You are strong. You are capable. You are loved. You will get through this.

Make sure to steal some sweaters on your way out of the closet. It’s cold outside.

Happy Holidays everyone!

*For those LGBTQ+ students going home into the closet or a non-accepting environment here’s a wonderful resource. Your Holiday Mom is a website full of supportive mothers who are there to provide the love and acceptance you deserve.

 

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